WE WILL WIN THIS WAR!
(THE ONE AGAINST TERRORISTS, NOT THE ONE AGAINST
LIBERALS)
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Amid endless
caterwauling by the liberals (many of whom voted in favor of the war)
about the “hopeless quagmire” in which we are currently embroiled,
coalition forces continue to make progress in Iraq. In the years since the war began
we have taken significant steps toward bringing peace to the people of
Iraq. We’ve killed Saddam’s
son’s and captured Saddam himself, thus paving the way for free elections
in Iraq. We’ve liberated some fifty million people and killed al-Zarqawi,
al-Qaeda’s leader in Iraq, not to mention dozens of other known
terrorists. Not bad for a
“quagmire” the likes of which we have not seen since
Vietnam. This fact has
liberals foaming at the mouth and proclaiming George Bush to be the
Anti-Christ and denouncing his top advisors as his faithful minions on
earth. You’d think they might
be willing to give just a little credit where credit is due, but these are
liberals we’re talking about.
The only people they’re ever willing to give credit to are Bill
Clinton for his creative use of the cubby-hole under his desk in the Oval
Office, Jimmy Carter for everything he’s ever done after leaving
office (to be fair, I give him credit for leaving too), and Cindy Sheehan
for having a dead son, thereby elevating her to the position of UN
ambassador (in her own mind anyway). I don’t know
what’s more disheartening, the fact that they think this war is a
pointless boondoggle cooked up by the Bush administration in pursuit of
oil reserves (gas still costs me $3.00 per gallon, how about you?),
and that we have absolutely no hope of winning, or that they sincerely
hope we don’t win. And
make no mistake about it, the liberals are absolutely counting on our
failure. What’s interesting
is that they don’t even bother to hide that fact anymore. They practically wept when we
captured Saddam Hussein, and they had the audacity to question whether or
not we had upheld the civil rights of the barbarous murderer behind a
terrorist regime who have slaughtered innocent men, women and children in
ways that would make Attila the Hun cringe. The liberals have lost the last
shred of decency they had left after their beloved rapist left
office. How am I so
sure we will win this war?
Because we have to.
Because they don’t want us to. You can read they to mean
our enemies, or the liberals, it’s hard to tell the difference
anymore. They see the death
of every soldier as an opportunity to stand on their soapbox and preach to
the American people about their uncaring leader. We recently
reached a milestone in the war on terror. Now more than two thousand five
hundred American soldiers have died defending liberty, and while the rest
of us see this number as a sobering reminder of the tragic cost of war,
the liberals see it as a chance to knock the Commander in Chief down a few
pegs. I find their incessant
grandstanding on the bodies of dead soldiers repugnant and it makes me
want to vomit. But let us
remember that each of these fine men and women enlisted in the military of
their own free will. They
were not dragged out of bed in the dark of night, forced to don a uniform
and thrown into a tank in the middle of the desert. Most of them want to be there
because they love their country, and they believe in this idea we call
liberty. They believe that
every man, woman and child deserves the right to live free. Liberals, on the other hand,
believe in nothing. They
could care less how many brave soldiers have to die to prove their
point. Just as long as it
makes the president look bad. Want to know
why else we will win this war?
Because our enemy has a finite number of brainwashed fanatical kids
willing to blow themselves up for free virgins. This idea wouldn’t be at all bad
if they didn’t feel the need to do so on a bus full of children. In fact, if it weren’t for the
busload of children, or the marketplace full of hapless shoppers, I’d say,
“problem solved”. However,
for every one of their brain-dead militant slobs willing to die for Allah,
we have ten or so highly-trained soldiers willing to let him (as long as
he does it in a secluded area where no one else will get hurt, and where
any of his remaining body parts can be easily scooped up and sealed in a
Hefty bag). You see, contrary
to liberal belief, we have a nearly infinite number of brave men and women
willing to fight and, if need be, to die for a just cause. Eventually, these brainwashed kids will begin to realize that none of their leaders is willing to strap a bomb to his own chest and give his life for Allah, and they will begin to wonder “why?” And the answer will come to them in a flash of insight; “because they don’t believe in their own cause!” And then they just might realize that America isn’t so bad after all. And they’ll put down the bomb and pick up an X-Box controller and a Coke and a bag of Doritoes, and they will finally realize the real American dream: snack foods, sloth and pointless, mind-numbing entertainment. You see, I love my God, but the day he asks me to strap on a C-4 cummerbund and hop on the Metro is the day I change religions. And that’s why we will win. Because we’re not fanatics, we just believe people deserve the right to be free. Well, everyone believes that except John Murtha…and Nancy Pelosi…and John Kerry…and Hillary Clinton…and Cindy Sheehan…and Michael Moore…and Al Gore…and…Teddy (it's not my fault the bitch couldn't swim) Kennedy...etc. |