Once again displaying the total lack of foresight in her party, Junior Senator Hillary Clinton blasted the president on Wednesday, for his inability to capture a very tall man surrounded by thousands of square miles of desert, during a speech at the United Auto Workers convention in Washington. “You cannot explain to me why we have not captured or killed the tallest man in Afghanistan,” Clinton said.

She’s right though, he is very tall – nearly 6’5” according to his chiropractor, though we have it on good authority that he has been known to wear lifts in his sandals, thereby adding as much as two inches to his overall height. But even with the height difference, it can be somewhat daunting to pinpoint the bearded terrorist wearing a dishrag in a continent packed to the gills with bearded men wearing dishrags. Perhaps that’s why her husband couldn’t find him in 1998. Oh wait, that’s right, Bill Clinton did find him in 1998, he just chose to do nothing about it. I guess he didn’t want to make waves.

I find it laughable that Mrs. Clinton sees fit to call the Bush administration ineffectual (the very same administration which captured Saddam Hussein) when the only thing her husband managed to catch during his eight years in office was a nasty case of crabs.

I like to think of myself as fairly well-read, but I apparently missed the study Mrs. Clinton read, showing the direct correlation between height and intelligence. Tall or no, I’m assuming bin Laden is at least smart enough to hide when trouble is on it’s way. Hell, even small children know enough to do that. Maybe, like a small child, he has simply been keeping his eyes closed, thus rendering him invisible. God help us if he starts walking around on his knees. Then we may never find him.

-Freddie Banjo