JUST LIKE KATRINA?
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When did
Americans become such whiny, crying little bitches? I thought that was a personality
trait isolated to the French, but apparently it is contagious. If I hear one more spoiled
American idiot moaning about how the boat that picked them up from out
of the war zone didn’t offer first-class accommodations, I’m going to
vomit in my shoes. Here’s an
interesting little fact: Lebanon is a country that has been at war, off
and on, for the better part of thirty years. And, while I’m sure Beirut is a
lovely vacation destination, now might not be the best time to visit, what
with the whole region in turmoil and all. But if your travel plans happen to
include a quick stop in Beirut, don’t expect the federal government to
pick your sorry ass up and deposit it back on American soil posthaste and
free of charge. And if,
perchance, the federal government is feeling especially charitable, and
they do send ships in to extricate you from the war zone, with no expense
to you, it is generally considered bad form to then turn around and
badmouth them for not chartering a Royal Caribbean cruise ship to handle
the situation. When last I
checked, no cruise line currently sailing offers a five-star cruise off
the coast of Lebanon. So much
for my vacation plans this summer.
And unless I’m seriously mistaken, these travelers were in this
unstable region of their own volition. Now, far be it from me to suggest
that we should simply leave them there to fend for themselves. By all means, send in the
boats. But why should
we have to foot the bill for the evacuation of thousands of wayward
American travelers when their vacation plans go belly-up? I think it’s entirely fair to ask
them to pay at least a portion of the cost to leave while they still
can. But of course,
the great filthy huddled masses started belly-aching when the government
suggested that they pony up $150.00 to remove them from a dangerous
situation (into which they had rather thoughtlessly implanted themselves),
so good old Uncle Sam decided to waive the fee altogether. Welcome home, you ungrateful
sniveling bastards! Say, who
can I talk to in the State Department the next time I need an airlift out
of Disney World when the Pirates of the Caribbean ride breaks
down? And of course,
in true liberal fashion, the left-wing media has found a way to compare
this evacuation effort to the botched evacuation of hurricane Katrina
victims. Is anyone at all
surprised? Then again,
there is at least one similarity: the victims in both situations were
given ample warning. In the
case of Katrina, the soon-to-be hurricane victims were warned well ahead
of time to head for higher ground.
Many ignored the warnings.
And yes, there were those who could not simply pick up and go. It’s just too bad there wasn’t a
fleet or two of buses standing by to pick them up. Oh wait… Perhaps if their fearless mayor
had ordered the buses into service, there would have been a few less
“victims” to be rescued after the flood. Or maybe, had the governor of
Louisiana declared a state of emergency when the president suggested it,
help would have come a little sooner. Sure, the government was at fault,
but the brunt of the fault does not lie at the federal level. Both the state and local levels
made their share of mistakes too.
But why should the government be held solely responsible for the
disaster? Why can’t
individuals take responsibility for their own safety? You see,
everyone wants the government to butt out of their business… until they
need the government to extricate them from a sticky situation. Then it’s “why didn’t the
government step in quicker to save my ass?” And “why did they send a cargo
ship to pick me up from Beirut instead of the QEII?” And then they complain about the
flies, and about the fact that there was no imported bottled water on
board, and that there was no shuffleboard, and that the only entertainment
onboard was “that Goddamned Carrot Top!” And here’s my personal favorite:
“the French picked their people up first.” Well I’ve got an idea for you
Sally, hop on board, I’m sure they’ve got room for you! Did anybody stop to think that
maybe the French had a boat a little closer than we did? And why should we care? Why does everyone keep comparing
us to the French? What have
they got that’s so great?
Women with body hair, stockpiles of unused deodorant, and
croissants. Personally, I can
live without them. What a bunch
of ungrateful little pussies we’ve all become. We live in the greatest country in
the world, under the best form of government known to man, and yet we
still find something to complain about. Maybe we deserve what we get. Maybe, just maybe, we’ll wake up
when the bombs start dropping on us, and realize that we are not
invincible. That our way of
life is in just as much danger as their way of life. Maybe, but I doubt
it. So I guess
they can all just go on complaining.
And they’ll probably sue the government for distress and win. And if I were president (and I
never will be, so you may all sigh with relief), as compensation for the
hardships they endured in their travels, I would send them all on a
cruise. Back to
Beirut. -Freddie Banjo |