It’s not generally in our nature to consider our own mortality, but I’m asking you to take a moment and do just that, dear reader. Imagine that you have been given a choice of the mode in which you will be sent to meet your maker. Would you prefer to have a knife held to your throat while a sweaty man with bad breath penetrates you maliciously, then cuts your throat and watches you bleed to death, or would you rather fall into a painless sleep, and have your heart stopped? Any takers on what’s behind door number one? No? Didn’t think so.

Just one hour before convicted murderer Michael Morales was scheduled to be put to death by means of lethal injection, prison officials put a stop to the execution, because they could not find a licensed professional willing to administer a lethal dose of barbiturates to the condemned man. One can only assume Dr. Kevorkian’s phone was busy. Is it really so hard to find anyone willing to kill this man (and I use that term very loosely).

What it all comes down to is a technicality. You see, a judge ruled that the traditional method of lethal injection, in which the condemned is given three drugs; the first, to put them to sleep, the second, to paralyze them, and the third, to stop their heart, is inhumane. You know what? I’m okay with that. But the judge wants the condemned to be given a lethal dose of anesthesia. Fine, just get the job done. It used to be that men were hanged or shot for far less than rape and murder. When those methods were found to be inhumane, we electrocuted them, then we gassed them. Now, we put them to sleep. But somehow even this is too painful. Now, I’m not condoning painful methods of execution (though I’m not averse to a certain amount of pain being inflicted on these people), but have we given every last shred of justice left in this land over to the ACLU?

Does anyone really give a fat rat’s ass that Mr. Morales might feel a needle prick before he dies? I know what all you libs are thinking: "You conservatives are all against abortion, but you don’t mind killing a full-grown human being." Damn right. As soon as a fetus brutally rapes and murders a seventeen-year old girl, I’ll jump right on the bandwagon to have it aborted, but as far as I’m concerned, you’re comparing apples and…convicted murderers. This man deserves to die. He had a fair trial, he was found guilty, and he was sentenced to death. We are given choices in this world. Do I have a muffin for breakfast, or scrambled eggs? Do I stop for gas before work, or after work? Do I go to the movies tonight, or rape and torture some poor girl until she dies. Mr. Morales chose unwisely.

You know, when animal shelters become overcrowded, we put the undesirable animals to sleep, so we can make room for more. What’s the difference here? He’s an animal. Put him to sleep and make room for the next deadbeat. Calling Doctor Kevorkian, Doctor Jack Kevorkian, you’re needed at San Quentin!

-Freddie Banjo