But wait a minute, we are supportive. To the tune of ten billion dollars a year. That’s billion with a B. That’s how much money immigrants send back to their motherland on an annual basis. Money that’s not being spent here in America, the uncaring country the immigrants are all rallying against. The country which, until now, has turned a blind eye to the fact that these people don’t belong here in the first place! I have never seen a more ungrateful group of people in my life. They hop over the fence, take jobs hard working Americans could be doing, and they do it for half the price, then they send the money back to Mexico and badmouth America. Why do we need this? Why do we allow it?

And now high school students in several cities are staging walk-outs to demonstrate their disdain for this country and it’s views on immigration. Fine, walk out, but don’t come back. That should be our response. I know it sounds harsh, but our taxes (the taxes hard working American citizens pay every year) make it possible for these children of illegal immigrants to go to school in the first place. If you don’t appreciate the benefits of living in this country, you’re not worthy of enjoying those benefits.

So here’s what I propose; we take a few troops – twelve should do – and we have them invade Mexico. I figure if they get started at eight in the morning, they should be done by noon. I mean really, how much resistance will they encounter from the Mexicans? Maybe a couple of banditos riding donkeys painted like zebras, wearing sombreros and waving sticks, but that’s about it. Now that I think of it, our troops should be back on American soil, drinking margaritas in some seedy bar just over the border, while the American flag flies proudly over the Mexican capitol by 11:45 at the latest. Problem solved. We’re already paying for all their problems anyway, we might as well reap the benefits of our investment.

It’s time to flex our military muscle to our neighbors to the south. If Vincente Fox refuses to play nice and keep millions of his countrymen from flocking over our border, taking our jobs, enjoying our welfare benefits, and jeopardizing the safety of our citizens, then we need to take a stand. Mr. Fox will become the governor of the fifty-first state in the union: Guacamolea. Think of all the legal cheap labor this move will bring into America. My lawn is going to look fantastic! And that’s all that really matters, isn’t it?

I think this could be an important step for America. An opportunity to grab a few more acres of prime real estate for us, an answer to the “Illegal” immigration problem, and jobs for thousands of migrant workers sewing new American flags with fifty-one stars. A win-win solution all around.

You’d better stay on our good side Canada, or should I say Canucksylvania.

-Freddie Banjo