| This week, much of the nation was shocked to learn that part of our
very own Bert Spivey has been nominated for the Nobel Prize for
Literature. Which part, you ask? His left buttock. That's
right, following the announcement that Al Gore was nominated for
the Nobel Peace Prize for his fictional account of the end of the world,
"An Inconvenient Truth", Bert Spivey's left buttock was nominated
for its heart warming novel, Tubas in
June. Tubas in June is a 2,600 page semi-autobiographical epic love story about a door-to-door trombone salesman who falls in love with a midget who has a game leg and a hairlip. It is, at the same time, thought provoking and heartwarming. It dares the reader to look into his or her soul and ponder the great mysteries of life, as it answers the ages old question: "What is the meaning of life?" We won't give away the ending, but as it turns out, it's got something to do with cheese. The left buttock was unavailable for comment, however, when asked about this terrific honor, Bert was extremely excited, and more than a little perplexed. "I was not even aware that Lefty was working on anything, he must have done all the typing while I was asleep." he said. "As far as I know, Righty isn't working on a book of his own at the moment, but he is in talks with Paramount over a movie deal, which he is keeping very hush-hush. Bert went on to say, "I'm very proud, of course. Who wouldn't be? And I'd say he's got a fair chance of winning. I mean, if Al Gore's got a chance, who doesn't?" When asked if he had read the book yet, Bert replied, "No, I'm waiting for the book on tape version. I hear it's being narrated by Bert Reynolds." Congratulations Bert, and good luck Lefty! -Freddie Banjo |