Here’s a fun game you can play. Talk to anybody in the world, from any nationality, and ask them who they hate more than anyone else in the world. I guarantee you they will undoubtedly say the French. Ask a British person and they will say the French. Ask a German and they will say “the French”. Ask an Irishman and they will finish their bottle of whiskey, then mumble “the French” as they fall to the floor (I can make that joke because my liver is French). Ask a Scot, and they will say anyone who’s not Scottish, but when pressed to be more specific, they will shout “the French” without a moments’ hesitation. My point? No matter who hates whom in this world, they will put all differences aside to gang up on the French. Everybody hates the French. Why does everybody hate the French, you ask? Because they’re so damn French.

Yep, being French is just a bad idea. And being a French student is even worse. The French government, under the leadership of Prime Minister Dominique de Villepin, has instated a new law regarding youth employment; get this, they want young people to work for a paycheck! Damned lousy frogs! The law is designed to allow employers to dismiss workers under twenty-six without cause during their first two years on the job. 

In a capitalist society, any employer reserves the right to dismiss a worker without cause for a certain period of time. For hard working individuals who generally get along with their coworkers, this is not a problem, but for lazy slackers who want to do a half-assed job (i.e. anybody in the post office and most government workers here in America) such a caveat is an absolute encroachment upon their civil liberties. And these are usually the people who overturn cars, smash shop windows and set entire city blocks on fire in defiance of The Man.

Rational human beings who disagree with a political decision will stage sit-ins or wave banners in the streets. Brain dead French students set a major city ablaze. Way to get your point across guys. When will these people learn that senseless violence does nothing but force the government to react in kind, and every government, no matter how small, has always got better weapons than it’s citizens. Senseless violence also tends to make you look more German, and nobody wants that. You’d think the French would have learned to not look too German, oh, say sixty years ago.

The French have had a love-hate relationship with, well pretty much the entire rest of the world since, um…the beginning of time, I suppose. They love to hate us, and they never miss an opportunity to tell everyone how superior they are. And the rest of the world is okay with that because we see them for the cheese eating surrender monkeys that they are. But the French always change their tune when they need to be bailed out of trouble, and for some reason, we’re always the first ones to step up to the plate.

How long do you think they’ll let the rioting continue before they’ll call on the stupid lazy fat Americans to come bail them out again? How long before they ask us to send in the troops to help out? It’s coming, just you wait and see. Or maybe not. Maybe they’ll be able to sort it out on their…oh hell, I can’t even finish the sentence without laughing. Mark my words America, they’ll come crying to us to sort out their mess and to restore order in a country where the government is failing it’s people and the people are starting to take notice, and they are revolting. But then, I’ve always found them revolting.

So, where am I going with all this? I don’t know, I just hate the French. 

-Freddie Jean Baptisté Banjo