BLONDES, BOOBS AND BEER; CONSERVATIVE WOMEN ARE HOTTER
8/30/2008
It’s official; John McCain’s choice for VP has been made and it’s a woman. But fear not, dear reader, this one’s got style. That’s right, we’re looking at sixty-seven pantsuit-free days ahead! But even more important, she’s values; strong conservative values, and she’s not afraid to let them show.
It’s true, conservative women are hotter than liberal women. They shave their arm pits, run a comb through their hair every now and then, and wear fashions from the current century, but there’s far more to it than that. What makes conservative women so attractive is their brains. And a great set of legs doesn’t hurt either. If you want proof that conservative women are better looking than liberal women, I give you this comparison: Hillary Clinton, Helen Thomas and Rosie O’Donnell, versus Ann Coulter, Elisabeth Hasselbeck and Sarah Palin. And I’ll also throw Cindy McCain into the mix. Let’s face it, for a woman who will be eligible for senior citizen discounts in a few years, she isn’t hard on the eyes either. And she’s an heiress to a beer fortune! I’m sold.
But this is not a popularity contest, and we’re not voting for who’s the hottest. We’re voting for the candidate with the most experience, and the best chance to lead America into the future. And that candidate is John McCain. I’ll be honest, McCain was not my first choice, but he is the best choice now. And with his choice of Sarah Palin as his running mate, I think he might just have a chance at winning this thing.
We need to look past the glitz and the glamour and the Hollywood stars, and take a look at the issues. Obama can throw a party. Free-flowing booze, thousands of people pressed together, sweating and dancing around. It looked like one big raging keg party. And that’s exactly what it was. It was the senior class preppy jock wannabe, who’s been slapping up posters all over school for months, throwing a monster party while his parents are away one weekend in the hope of getting all his classmates to vote for him for class president. But this isn’t high school. Obama needs a dose of reality. And America needs a leader who can lead.
Obama has ideas. Lots of them. He’s told us all about them. He’s all about change. We don’t yet know what he’s going to change or how, but he’s definitely going to change things. I’m just worried about what those changes will mean to an already fragile economy. Higher taxes? You bet. Make the oil companies pay? You bet. And why not? Those oil companies; evil, shameless oil companies. Profiting from consumers for a product they provide which consumers need – how dare they! But wait, if you cut profits on oil companies, won’t they just charge consumers more for fuel? Who cares, as long as the oil companies are forced to pay for their evil capitalist ways! You see, just like all liberals, Obama has ideas, they’re just not grounded in reality.
Sorry, I seem to have gotten a bit sidetracked for a moment there. But I’m glad I did. You see, in his short time in the Senate, Obama hasn’t had to make any tough decisions. He hasn’t had to make any decisions, really. His people will tell you that with John McCain’s choice of Sarah Palin for VP, the issue of experience is off the table. That’s not true. Obama’s lack of experience – especially with regard to foreign policy – is still very much an issue. You see, Sarah Palin is not running for president. Barack Obama is. John McCain, a seasoned politician with years of experience, chose a lesser-known running-mate. Someone newer to politics, and therefore unsullied by the process. But she’s got something none of the other candidates have. Real leadership skills. She’s governed a state for two years. She’s had to work with a budget and make important decisions. Barack Obama, a Presidential candida te with almost no foreign policy experience, chose a Joe Biden, a man with thirty-plus unremarkable years in the Senate. A man who’s toughest decision has been what to eat for lunch. The salmon or the tuna?
On either side you’ve got a candidate with
experience and a candidate with less. One of those with less experience is
a governor who is running for vice president, and the other is a senator
with 143 days under his belt who wants to be the leader of the free world.
The choice is yours. Either way, this will be an historic election. We’re
either going to have the first African American president, or the first female
vice-president. For some, it’s going to be a tough decision. So if it
helps to think of this as a popularity contest, and you’d rather vote for
who’s hottest, that’s fine. Just remember, we’ve got blondes, boobs and
beer on our side. Conservative women really are hotter.
-Freddie Banjo (That’s right, I’m back and so are my ankles!)
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